He Loves Me Kinky

*The only reason I cannot wait ‘till winter…*

**is to not shave!!**

Keeping it really real in this one, ya’ll.

I couldn’t possibly be the only brown toned woman under the age of 50 that simply wants to be au naturale one day and trimmed up the next. Peace. I am the Blaque Orchid and I live in Atlanta, Georgia. Home of the freaks, fly girls, and playas. You got your semi relaxed, steam-pressed silky hair mixed in with u-part wig ladies and then you have the afrohemian twist-out shea butter cream curly fro sistas. There doesn’t seem to be an in between.

I know I shouldn’t even be bothered by what others think or may perceive me as, Yet I cannot help wondering if my somewhere-in-the-middle self has a tribe out there waiting for me to join. My style changes just as often as the weather in Atlanta and it’s not just my clothing . I am what I call a seasonal shedder. During the winter I grow my fur coat. I stop shaving all together. To be honest, I hate shaving! Especially during the cold season. The minute I get goose bumps my hair instantly resprouts! Not even exaggerating, it’s the literal truth. Before you even ask-- yes, I have tried all solutions except for laser hair removal. Nothing relieves me of annoying hair bumps or prickly goosebumpy skin other than just not shaving at all. I guess I am just that lucky chic. Two tears in the bucket, fuck it!

If you happen to be in the same boatas I am, I’d like to share a few helpful tips that I have picked up along my journey and continued to use. I prefer men’s multi-blade shavers. The more blades, the better for my coarse underarm and leg hair ( and my toes too). I love Trader Joe’s Mango Shave cream $3.99 for 8fl.oz. it is so silky and creamy on the skin. I also have found Cremo Coconut Mango $5.99 for 6fl.oz. at Target and Alba Mango Vanilla $4.82 8fl.oz. to be excellent as well (almost identical products if you ask me.) Cremo also has a line of men's shave cream (not at all any different) with options of scents like sage & citrus, sandalwood, and oh, so yum, bourbon. Basic electric hair clippers work better for maintaining the extremely curly bush. I’m not really into the silky baby look so it works. It wasn’t until recently that the market finally decided to do away with the cancer causing aluminum ingredient in their products and still not all “natural” deodorant sticks/sprays work well for me. But that lime, honey, let me tell you. I dab lime wedges under my arm pits in place of deodorant. Gotta thank my homegirl, Del, for the lime pro tip she gave me ten years ago. I fiend for Tree Hut’s sugar scrubs. You could easily make your own and have a more natural product. But sis, their flavors are the yummiest and leave my legs feeling super silky after I top it off with an olive oil & lotion mix. Olive oil is a staple in my bathroom because it pairs very well with any lotion and stretches my dollars. This year I have dubbed Everyone Mint + Coconut 3 in 1 as our family lotion. It has such a great fresh scent.

Obviously, it would take a certain type of dude to be down with my attitude. The “I don’t give fuck anymore, I am 40 something” attitude. I ain’t got the time nor the patience for keeping up with these Kim Kardashian and Beyonce wannabe tadpoles with popable features (ie. faux eyebrows, faux lashes, faux hair, faux ass). I mean, hey, do your thang young sistas. I just don’t have the time. Naw, my dude be like, “I like my woman real, circa ‘77 with a sexy mamma pouch. Leg hair just makes him feel like we in the jungle. You know what it is! Rock that hair proudly, loves.

Love UBU